Last month Russian River Brewing collaborated with Italian brewer Agostino Arioli, who owns Birrificio Italiano, to brew one of his beers, La Fleurette, there in Santa Rosa, California. I was there on the brew day (and documented the process in photos), and was eagerly looking forward to tasting the results. Saturday it was tapped and I went up Tuesday to try it. Because the beer was conceived in love, I got a growler of the beer to bring home to share with my wife, the love of my life.

La Fleurette in my garden, among the roses. It was cloudy golden amber and produced a pillowy white head. It had aromas of peppers and a honeyed sweetness, with surprisingly few botanicals. It was light and very refreshing. The mouthfeel was silky smooth, liquid velvet with a touch of gritty pepperness. The honeyed sweetness dominates the flavor profile. The finish is very clean, with only a gentle spiciness lingering after.

Vinnie told me that when they racked the beer, it was all pepper and little else, and it’s been changing quite a bit ever since. Apparently, the flowery aromas I think I expected more of have been coming and going. I believe they’ll be pouring it at the Boonville Beer festival this Saturday, so I wonder what it will be like then. It’s definitely worth seeking out, if you get a chance.

James shoveling barley at the new brewery, only days away from its first brew. I also stopped by the new brewery to see how things were progressing. Vinnie was in the brewhouse, cleaning everything and preparing for the first brew, which should be any day now.

Today is Dave Alexander’s 45th birthday. Dave is the co-owner, along with his wife Dianne, of the world famous Brickskeller beer bar in Washington, DC. He’s also a crack bass player who often plays with the Rolling Boil Blues Band. Join me in wishing Dave a happy birthday.

Celebrator publisher Tom Dalldorf, a young Vinnie Cilurzo and Dave at a Brickskeller fresh hop event several years ago.

Tom Dalldorf again, with the Beer Fox Carolyn Smagalski, and Dave and Dianne Alexander, at the Brewer’s Reception at Wynkoop at the start of GABF last year.

We’re so used to seeing top ten lists of the ten best of whatever that a list of the worst always seems like a fresh look. Joey Redner, who writes for the Tampa Bay Times, in a recent column listed his choices for the world’s worst beers. Like any such list, it will never find universal agreement, but that’s okay. There are a number of truly horrible beer on his list. I’m not sure it’s fair to include a non-alcoholic beer — which he awards the top spot — as without the alcohol I’m not sure it actually qualifies as beer.

Here’s his list.

1. Busch NA
2. Camo Genuine Ale
3. Chapeau Exotic
4. Hurricane High Gravity Lager
5. Bootie U95
6. Winter Park Beer
7. Cave Creek Chili Beer
8. Sleeman Clear Lager
9. Milwaukee’s Best
10. Coors Aspen Edge

Frankly, I’d put Corona and Heineken on the list for sheer popularity vs. lack of taste (not to mention being frequently lightstruck). And I suppose the entire exercise begs the question as to whether bad and bland are one and the same or distinctively different enough. Should the merely bland and inoffensive be considered bad or must a beer be particularly and specifically ill-conceived, badly executed or so obviously lacking in graces to be considered one of the worst?

Last week, Stevens Point Brewing of the eponymous town in Wisconsin, released their summer beer, Nude Beach Summer Wheat, with a label featuring nudists frolicking in the sand and surf, with beach accessories showing up in conveniently immodest places making the whole scene decidedly PG. And that might have been the end of it, were it not for the sudden and apparently unexpected support of the American Association for Nude Recreation.

From the press release: Summer Wheat Ale is Point Brewery’s Latest Seasonal Beer Summer is coming so it’s the perfect time to take the wraps off and enjoy Point Nude Beach Summer Wheat, a new hand-crafted seasonal specialty beer from the Stevens Point Brewery. Beginning May 1st, Point Nude Beach Summer Wheat, a satisfying unfiltered wheat ale, will be available in 12-ounce bottles and kegs wherever Point brands are sold. Point Nude Beach Summer Wheat is a fun, refreshing beer for hot summer afternoons and evenings, according to Joe Martino, Stevens Point Brewery Operating Partner. “It’s the perfect summer brew for summer thirsts. What can be more fun than a nude beach?” he said. “Where and how you enjoy Point Nude Beach Summer Wheat is up to you. Clothing is optional.” “Wheat beers represent one of the most popular segments of the 8-million-barrel U.S. craft beer market and have recently enjoyed double-digit sales growth in many regions, including the Midwest where Point sales are strong,” Martino said, adding that he expects wheat beer sales to keep up their brisk pace this summer, too. Brewed with Wheat and Barley With a rich golden color reminiscent of an early summer tan, Point Nude Beach Summer Wheat is brewed with “au naturel” raw white wheat, malted red wheat and highly kilned specialty barley malts, according to Point Brewmaster John Zappa. “The barley malts are very different from other malts used to brew Point beers and add a slightly sweet maltiness to the flavor,” he said. The Stevens Point Brewery In addition to the seasonal beers Point Oktoberfest, Einbock and St. Benedict’s Winter Ale, the Point brands include Point Special Lager, Point Classic Amber, Point Cascade Pale Ale, Point Belgian White and Point Horizon Wheat. Point Special Lager won the gold medal in the American Premium Lager category at the 2003 Great American Beer Festival.

According to a story in today’s Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel, the new seasonal beer “quickly drew attention from the nation’s nudists, said Carolyn Hawkins, spokeswoman for the American Association for Nude Recreation, a group that claims 47,000 members who enjoy sunbathing, swimming and other activities au naturel. The Kissimmee, Fla.-based group bills itself as ‘a trusted source for nudist information on such topics as what to expect at a nudist club, a nudist resort, or even from a skinny dipping experience. Our members have bombarded us with messages’ about Nude Beach, Hawkins said.”

So she got in touch with the brewery and inquired if they would be willing to provide beer for the group’s annual convention, which this year will be held in the nearby “Turtle Lake Resort in Union City, Mich., which is south of Battle Creek, from Aug. 11-17.” Steven Point Brewing agreed to give the AANR twenty-five cases in exchange for some advertisements in the newsletter and convention program. The group’s second choice was New Belgium’s Skinny Dip, but it’s not distributed in Michigan.

The Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel piece ends with:

Nude Beach will probably see a spike in sales thanks to the buzz among nudists, Hawkins predicted.

“The nudist organizations all stick together,” she said.

Martino welcomes the fans of his nude, uh, new beer.

“It’s a whole subculture that I didn’t know existed,” said Martino, whose company is probably best known for brewing Point Special Lager.

He had me going up to that point, but here’s how the brewery’s website describes the beer:

Point Nude Beach is the perfect summer pleasure. Available only during the warm months of summer, this lively and unfiltered wheat ale is well balanced using “au naturel” raw and red wheat, then delicately finished with Yakima hops. With a refreshing light flavor, Point Nude Beach is perfect while enjoying summer activities or just hanging out with friends. Clothing optional.

Introduced: 2008
Availability: May 1 - August 1
Suggested Pairings: Chicken, Pork, Summer Salads, SPF 30 and Swim Suit (optional.)

Sounds like their tongue was fully inserted in their cheek from the get-go. If they didn’t know it existed, how did they manage to depict it so well on the label? Anyway, false modestly aside it’s still pretty funny. especially that the nudists so quickly embraced it.

You can get a better look at the label on the six-pack carrier.

Originally founded in Roanoke, Virginia in 1890, the Virginia Brewing Company went through some ups and downs, before finally closing in 1958. Except for its final years, when it was known as Mountain Brewing, it was always Virginia Brewing. It then lay dormant and the brand name unused until 1987, when the name was used again by a microbrewery in Virginia Beach

According to a New York Times article from September 1988, the brewery was “a venture begun by Johnathan S. Miller, the deputy assistant for management and administration at the White House who resigned in May 1987 after it was reported that he had cashed some traveler’s checks for Oliver L. North.” There’s also a short review of the old place by a Chicago brewer, Jim Hodge. His review is mostly positive, his biggest complaint being the size of the place, which he describes as follows. “I would caution those wishing to follow in my footsteps that the bar at Virginia Brewing is tiny; it has a total of 6 seats and don’t be surprised if you have to stand while drinking there.” Although he also mentioned they served all their beer in frosted mugs. He reports they had six of their own beers on tap, of which he sampled a “kolsch, an IPA, an ESB, a smoked ale called ‘the Brown Bomber’, and their Halloween pumpkin ale.” The brewer may have been Wolfgang Roth, reportedly from Bavaria. That incarnation of Virginia Brewing appears to have lasted until 1992.

Fast forward another sixteen years and a rumor that began two years ago is getting closer to reality. A press release recently indicated that a grand opening is imminent at the “ZeroPak complex in Winchester, Virginia. The celebration will feature craft beers, barbecue, and live music as the microbrewery welcomes the public to its new brewhall and event space.” They’ve also hired a brewer — always a good sign for a brewery — “John Hovermale, Jr., previously of Harpoon Brewery in Windsor, Vermont.” He’s also apparently a native of Winchester, which makes this job also a homecoming for Hovermale.

From the press release:

“I was intrigued by how this one town’s brewery was so much a part of the community and vice versa,” Hovermale says. “After returning from Europe I attended the Siebel Institute of Technology, where I studied brewing. After paying my dues working in the cellar of a brewery in Biloxi, I joined Harpoon. Now I’ve come full-circle, brewing beer in my hometown.”

It’s nice to see the new owners trying to tie the modern project to the historical brewery of the same name. There’s also some additional history at Rusty Cans, from their June 2006 newsletter.

The original brewery in Roanoke, date unknown.

Early labels from Virginia Brewing Co.

A while ago when I was actively trying to increase my collection of beer quotations, the ones that randomly appear in the upper right-hand corner every time you reload the page, I kept finding ones that were part of larger poems. Having something of an obsession with words — and poetry for that matter — I made a page of beer poetry. When I come across another one I find interesting, I add it. There are now 22 of them. Some are quite old, some are by famous poets, and a few are just plain goofy. Take the one below, for example, a spoof of Joyce Kilmer’s famous Trees poem, credited to a Joyce Killjoy by a homebrew club in Boston, The Boston Wort Processors. They have their own small page of five beer poems, including this Trees spoof.

I think that I shall never hear A poem as lovely as a beer The brew that Joe’s bar has on tap With golden base and snowy cap The foamy stuff I drink all day Until my memory melts away Poems are made by fools I fear But only the Worts can make a beer   Notice it’s 4 lines short from the original and references the club in the final line.

It’s good on its own, but enter that word obsession of mine, and I couldn’t let well enough alone. I added the four missing lines and made several additional modifications. I think I improved it, but what do you think?

This video was sent to me by the folks at Holy Taco, which appears to be a humor site for the college crowd. It’s a little goofy and some of the humor, sorry Alan — humour, misses the mark, though I certainly did laugh at parts of it. But what made it worthwhile, for me at least, is that they actually let them film inside one of the tanks, empty except for the beechwood chips. Having toured my fair share of Budweiser plants, they really gave these guys “inside access.” Though the segment where the host and the tour guide help “give birth” to the beer seems a little too over the top for my tastes, that or it may be I’m just getting old.

Holy Taco Goes To Budweiser

Several months ago, there was an obscure posting in the Brewers Forum from Charlie Papazian. He was passing on a request he’d received for a brewer to speak about sustainable brewing issue at a conference taking place in San Francisco. Since I’ve written about organic beer and green breweries several times now, it piqued my interest. The conference was EcoCity World Summit, and it took place April 21-26 at various location in the Bay Area. I wrote to them to get press credentials on the off chance that a brewer did participate, and also because I was curious to see what else might come up related to the recent agricultural shortages with barley and hops. It turned out that Greg Koch, from Stone Brewing, had agreed to be on one of the panels, on Saturday April 26. His panel was titled “The Future of Food For Cities.”

After a gala opening at the Herbst Theatre and two days of academic seminars at Berkeley’s Extension Center at Third and Mission, the remaining three days of the conference all took place at the Nob Hill Masonic Center on California Street. A number of the panel discussions focused on the future of various infrastructures, and had titles that all began “The Future of …,” with future glimpses of transportation in cities, energy to power cities, consumption, population, equity, architecture and urban design.

Below this interesting mural were a couple dozen tables with local organizations, media and other related ecological agendas with fliers, magazines and books. There was quite a lot of interesting stuff to see and read.

The first speaker on “The Future of Food For Cities” was particularly interesting. Eric Holt-Giménez, Director of Food First, which is also known as the Institute for Food and Development Policy, gave a lot of information about the myths surrounding the current food shortage. The most important of these is that he doesn’t believe it’s a shortage at all. He pointed out that the many food riots taking place around the world are not even riots, but rebellions. They aren’t being staged by starving populations, but by the poor angry about how quickly food prices have risen, about a growing entitlement gap and lack of democracy. Worldwide, average food prices have gone up a staggering 83% over the last three years, and 45% in just the last nine months. We all know about barley and hops, but wheat is up 130% and rice 66%.

At the same time, the big food companies are reporting record profits: ADM 25%, Monsanto 45%, General Foods 61% and Cargill 86%. But Holt-Giménez claims there is no shortage whatsoever, that reserve stocks are fine. To account for the higher prices he goes to say that across the board the rising prices are and will continue to blamed on the following:

1. Climate change: droughts, floods, etc.
2. Consumption: greater demand
3. Yields: 2005-06 were down, but not 2007
4. Energy: higher oil prices
5. Agrofuels: half of corn being used toward, demand rising

I’m not quite sure what to make of that. As he was ticking them off, I noticed they were pretty much the exact reasons that we’ve been told barley prices are rising and are some of the reasons for hops, too. With hops, having fewer acres planted — especially of aroma hops — is undoubtedly the primary cause and yields are still down as a result. But it’s hard not to wonder if some of the rising costs are due to some chicanery on the part of what Holt-Giménez refers to as the Industrial Agri-foods Complex.

He gave a lengthy explanation of the root causes, but the ones that seemed the most problematic to me were these. The so-called Green Revolution of the 1960-80s concentrated ownership of the world’s land into just a few very large corporations. As a consequence, we’ve lost 75% of food diversity to the point where cotton, maize, wheat, rice and soy account for 91% of all crops grown. That makes for a vulnerable food system where a problem with just one crop could have a ripple effect across the entire economy. Some of the other things he cited included the removal of transit barriers, dismantling marketing boards, free-trade agreements and food subsidies to the tune of $1 billion per day.

What Holt-Giménez sees happening is a collapse of the food and fuel systems into one, except that the biofuel solution is no solution at all. He calls it the “Grand Mythology,” that we “can’t consume our way out of over-consumption.” There a couple of essays at Food First that go into a bit more detail about this, if you’re interested. I’d suggest The New Green Revolution and World Food Prices, The Great Agrofuel Swindle, and Pouring Fuel on the Food.

Greg Koch went last, telling a receptive audience a story familiar to all of us, but which was largely new to a good portion of the crowd. Koch talked about how “the U.S. is now the most exciting place for beer in the world, bar none.” He told the story of beer’s history, from the golden age to its recent renaissance.

He discussed the malt and hops shortages of late and the statistic about the average American living within 10 miles of a brewery. Koch also brought up his own brewery’s efforts to be green, then delving into a broader examination of what many others were doing as well, painting an honest picture of just how green the craft beer community is.

After each panelist spoke, the three of them, took lively questions from the audience. From left, Greg Koch, Carol Whiteside, President of the Great Valley Center in Modesto (and Modesto’s former mayor), and Eric Holt-Giménez, from Food First.

It was certainly an interesting experience and I was glad to see craft beer playing a role in thinking about the future of humanity and we should go about securing it.
 

For our 15th Session, the topic remains personal, but instead of profiling another person, the goal is to hold up a mirror to see ourselves. Mirror, mirror, on the wall, how did you get started in this all? Our hosts, Boak and Bailey, want to know “the moment when you saw the light. At what point did you realise you were a beer lover / geek / enthusiast? What beer(s) triggered the conversion? Did someone help you along your way, or did you come to it yourself?”

I’ve actually written about this before, two years ago. And if you think I’ve been long-winded before, you ain’t seen nothin’ yet. There’s a collective writing exercise known as NaNoWriMo, which is short for “National Novel Writing Month.” During the month of November, whoever wants to participate is challenged to write a 50,000-word novel in thirty days. That works out to just under 1,700-words per day. The first NaNoWriMo took place in November of 1999 with under two dozen friends of founder Chris Baty trying to write a novel in his apartment. Last year, it’s ninth, over 100,000 people gave it a shot. Of those, 15,000 people managed to finish writing 50,000 words, which is the equivalent of a short novel of around 175 pages.

I’ve done NaNoWriMo three times, and managed to complete it each time. I skipped last year because I was in Bavaria for almost two weeks in November, but the previous three years I spent my Novembers writing even more than I usually do. It was a terrific experience each time and one I heartily recommend. It made me a much faster writer. When you have such daunting deadlines, you learn to just keep going and write through any blocks. You get into a zone where it just pours out of you, akin to a runner’s high. And that’s proved quite valuable as I take on more and more writing assignments. Plus it’s a lot of fun just to see what comes out.

The NaNoWriMo website puts it like this:

Valuing enthusiasm and perseverance over painstaking craft, NaNoWriMo is a novel-writing program for everyone who has thought fleetingly about writing a novel but has been scared away by the time and effort involved.

Because of the limited writing window, the ONLY thing that matters in NaNoWriMo is output. It’s all about quantity, not quality. The kamikaze approach forces you to lower your expectations, take risks, and write on the fly.

Make no mistake: You will be writing a lot of crap. And that’s a good thing. By forcing yourself to write so intensely, you are giving yourself permission to make mistakes. To forgo the endless tweaking and editing and just create. To build without tearing down.

So why bring this up? Because in 2006, I wrote a literary memoir about growing up with beer. It was called Under the Table and subtitled A Fictional Memoir of Growing Up With Beer. What I meant by that I wrote about in a foreword, but essentially I combined events and characters, moved some dates around and changed a few details in order to make the story work better, a perfectly acceptable practice in the genre. Since I was writing on the fly, I organized it into twenty-four chapters, a case of chapters. I chose two dozen beers that I remember from my childhood and used each one as a jumping off point to trigger remembering incidents in my life, similar to the way Proust did with pastry in Remembrance of Things Past. The story is filled with underage drinking, teen sex and violent alcoholic psychopaths. Almost all of it is true, but I’m not saying which is which.

The question of how it all started for me with better beer is largely answered in Chapter 24, Jazz in the Dark. The beers were Bass Ale and Guinness that introduced me to beer with flavor. I was stationed on Staten Island with an Army Band and many of the Manhattan jazz clubs I frequented in New York City in the late 1970s had begun carrying the two. They were as different as night and day from the regional lagers that all tasted the same I had grown up on. They were the catalyst that drove me to learn more about beer and discover what else beer could be. That was exactly thirty years ago and I’ve never looked back.

The whole novel is online if you’re feeling really bored or have a long wait ahead of you in the emergency room. Be warned, it is a rough draft, literally written in one take — extemporaneously — eighteen months ago. At the end of November 2006, I crossed the finish line at 55,622 words. But although I met the challenge of 50,000 words in thirty days, I had stopped in the middle of the second to last chapter. It’s hard to explain, but once the peer pressure and self-imposed routine has ended I’ve found it near impossible to keep going on December 1. But that was okay, because there was only one person who really wanted me to finish it. Shaun O’Sullivan, from 21st Amendment, got pneumonia that same November, and was stuck at home, bored. So he ended up reading — and apparently enjoying — Under the Table. He continued to pester me for months afterwards to finish the last two chapters and it became a running gag between us. So Shaun, I’m happy to tell you the wait is over and it’s finally done, or at least the first draft is.

Since this is a post about ourselves, I pulled out this old label. It’s for a private label brand we were developing at Beverages & more shortly before I left the company. It wasn’t my idea. The VP of marketing, who himself was a Brit, came up with it and the plan was to have a line of English-style ales to complement some of the others we were working on, like Coastal Fog, Brandenburg Gate and Truman’s True Blue. I guess he thought my name sounded sufficiently English. The initial styles were to be an IPA and an ESB. Anyway, it got scrapped but I still have a few labels left and they’re fun to see. I like the fact that not only am I bitter, but Extra Specially Bitter. That’s me, alright. To read Under the Table, follow this link to the home page. You can either just scroll down as you read or use the chapter numbers in the sidebar to move from chapter to chapter. I confess I’m more than a little nervous that it’s too self-indulgent or just plain crap, but you only learn by doing and this is definitely me just going for it and giving it a try. If you do actually give a read, even just part of it, please let me know what you thought. But please do go easy on me. Not only is it as rough a draft as I could imagine, but it’s very personal, too. Constructive criticism is always appreciated but let’s not be too insulting or harsh. This is my life we’re talking about, after all. My life with beer. Cheers!

Today is the beer chef, Bruce Paton’s 53rd birthday. Bruce has been doing fantastic dinners pairing great beer and gourmet food for over ten years in the Bay Area, since 2001 at the Cathedral Hill Hotel, where he is the Executive Chef. I’ve been to many, many of Bruce’s food events and they’re all spectacularly top notch. He does around eight each year. Raise a toast and stuff your face in wishing Bruce a happy birthday.

My new favorite photo of Bruce, which I took for the Chef’s Association of the Pacific Coast newsletter. I don’t think this is the one they used, but, by far, as I think it captures Bruce’s spirit and his great love and passion for what he does with his cooking and beer.

Giving a cooking demonstration with Garret Oliver, brewmaster at Brooklyn Brewery and author of The Brewmaster’s Table at the 2005 GABF.

Bruce with Russian River co-owner Natalle Cilurzo.

Today is iconoclastic brewer Brian Hunt’s 51st birthday. Brian owns and operates Moonlight Brewing in in Sonoma County, California, as a one-man show. If you’ve never had his “Death and Taxes,” “Twist of Fate Bitter,” “Bombay by Boat,” or his fresh hop ale, alternately called “Homegrown” or “Greenbud Ale,” then you’re really missing out on some of the most unique and wonderful beers around. Plus, Brian is one of the nicest guys you’ll ever meet. Join me in wishing Brian a very happy birthday.

Hildegard van Ostaden, Urthel’s brewster, one of only two female brewers working in Belgium, and Brian.

Brian in his hopyard, with Russian River’s assistant brewer Travis, and Vinnie Cilurzo.

Shaun O’Sullivan and Vinnie Cilurzo with Brian at the Bistro in Hayward, California.

I stumbled upon what sounds like an interesting read, even without the beer angle. The book is Unmarketable by Anne Elizabeth Moore. In it, she apparently examines underground marketing. The full title, which perhaps gives more clues, is Unmarketable: Brandalism, Copyfighting, Mocketing, and the Erosion of Integrity.

From the publisher’s website:

For years the do-it-yourself (DIY)/punk underground has worked against the logic of mass production and creative uniformity, disseminating radical ideas and directly making and trading goods and services. But what happens when the underground becomes just another market? What happens when the very tools that the artists and activists have used to build word of mouth are co-opted by corporate America? What happens to cultural resistance when it becomes just another marketing platform?

Unmarketable examines the corrosive effects of corporate infiltration of the underground. Activist and author Anne Elizabeth Moore takes a critical look at the savvy advertising agencies, corporate marketing teams, and branding experts who use DIY techniques to reach a youth market—and at members of the underground who have helped forward corporate agendas through their own artistic, and occasionally activist, projects.

Sounds interesting enough, and Mother Jones gives it a decent review. But what initially caught my attention was a reference to Pabst Blue Ribbon in the review at the wonderful Powell’s book store in Portland, Oregon.

From the Powell’s review:

Since the early 1970s, sales of Pabst Blue Ribbon beer had plummeted steadily. Then, in 2002, the beer became the beverage of choice in hipster haunts everywhere. Sales rose 5.4% that year, followed by a 9.4% increase in supermarket sales in the first quarter of 2003. Marketwatchers initially scratched their heads at this sudden and inexplicable uptick. The beer hadn’t been actively advertised in years, but that’s precisely what worked in its favor. With ads from the competition (typical T&A showcases, burping frogs, and the ubiquitous catchphrase “Wassup?”) as foils, PBR was automatically imbued with an anti-corporate aura that couldn’t be bought.

Except that it was.

Interesting. Conventional wisdom has always been that retro hipsters latched onto PBR because of its anti-hipness and that Pabst was as surprised as everybody else by it’s sudden surge in sales. If, in fact, Pabst launched a quiet underground campaign that’s a much different, and some might say, sinister picture. I think I may have to see if my library has a copy of that.

This is only slightly off topic, another one of my little tangents, if you will. This is a transcript of a small part of my favorite stand-up comedian’s rant on marketing and advertising. Naturally, it’s better if you see him pacing the stage and yelling into the microphone, but you can still get the gist of his point about underground marketing. It is available on DVD (under the title Bill Hicks Live) and I certainly encourage everyone who doesn’t know his work to watch it. But be warned, he pulls no punches and isn’t to everyone’s taste. I saw him at least a dozen times before his death in 1994. At every single show at least one person, and usually more, got up and walked out in the middle. And not because he wasn’t funny, but because he challenged people to think in ways that made a lot of them quite uncomfortable.

Advertising and Marketing

From Revelations, as written and performed by Bill Hicks at the Dominion Theatre in London, England in 1991.

By the way if anyone here is in advertising or marketing… kill yourself. No, no, no it’s just a little thought. I’m just trying to plant seeds. Maybe one day, they’ll take root - I don’t know. You try, you do what you can. Kill yourself. Seriously though, if you are, do. Aaah, no really, there’s no rationalisation for what you do and you are Satan’s little helpers. Okay - kill yourself - seriously. You are the ruiner of all things good, seriously. No this is not a joke, you’re going, “there’s going to be a joke coming,” there’s no fucking joke coming. You are Satan’s spawn filling the world with bile and garbage. You are fucked and you are fucking us. Kill yourself. It’s the only way to save your fucking soul, kill yourself. Planting seeds. I know all the marketing people are going, “he’s doing a joke… there’s no joke here whatsoever. Suck a tail-pipe, fucking hang yourself, borrow a gun from a Yank friend - I don’t care how you do it. Rid the world of your evil fucking makinations. Machi… Whatever, you know what I mean.

I know what all the marketing people are thinking right now too, “Oh, you know what Bill’s doing, he’s going for that anti-marketing dollar. That’s a good market, he’s very smart.” Oh man, I am not doing that. You fucking evil scumbags! “Ooh, you know what Bill’s doing now, he’s going for the righteous indignation dollar. That’s a big dollar. A lot of people are feeling that indignation. We’ve done research - huge market. He’s doing a good thing.” Godammit, I’m not doing that, you scum-bags! Quit putting a godamm dollar sign on every fucking thing on this planet! “Ooh, the anger dollar. Huge. Huge in times of recession. Giant market, Bill’s very bright to do that.” God, I’m just caught in a fucking web. “Ooh the trapped dollar, big dollar, huge dollar. Good market - look at our research. We see that many people feel trapped. If we play to that and then separate them into the trapped dollar…” How do you live like that? And I bet you sleep like fucking babies at night, don’t you?” “What didya do today honey?” “Oh, we made ah, we made ah arsenic a childhood food now, goodnight.” [snores] “Yeah we just said you know is your baby really too loud? You know,” [snores] “Yeah, you know the mums will love it.” [snores] Sleep like fucking children, don’t ya, this is your world isn’t it?